At La Maleta Roja, we see it in every talk: during menopause, it's not only your hormone levels that change, but also the way you feel, your desire, and your relationship with your own body. It's not about "getting back to how things were," but about learning to embrace this new stage without disconnecting from yourself or your sexuality.
How desire changes during menopause
Menopause is often discussed in hormonal terms—the drop in estrogen, dryness, hot flashes—but rarely in terms of what happens on a more intimate level: the way you feel changes, your desire changes, and your relationship with your own body changes. And despite how common it is, many women experience it in silence. In our talks and workshops, it's common to see how candidly they speak about this as soon as they feel they are in a safe space—something that, outside of it, is very difficult for many.
If there is a partner, they often expect everything to stay the same. But it doesn't, and that's where the strain begins: she changes, but no one explains how to embrace that change without disconnecting. If it isn't put into words, the other person may interpret it as rejection—when in reality, it may be a change in how she feels and how her body responds, not a lack of love or interest.
How to reconnect with your body and your partner
- Change the usual order: you don't need to feel desire to start. Connection can begin first with touch—looking at each other, touching without pressure—and desire can come later.
- Lower your expectations. Measuring or comparing every encounter to how it used to be only creates more obstacles; you need space to explore without feeling like you're being examined.
- Give yourself time to rediscover your own body: it doesn't work worse, it works differently, with different rhythms and needs.
- Speak clearly, even if it's difficult. Stop pretending things are normal; it can be a first step toward rebuilding connection.
- Include your partner in the process, instead of leaving them out trying to guess what's happening.
Among us
In our talks, when we are together like this, there's always one who says something cheeky and shares her techniques for hiding it, pretending, or at least making things "end" as quickly as possible. There are still women like that, yes, and sometimes much younger than you might think. Women who have spent years acting as if nothing were wrong, so as not to worry anyone, so as not to argue, so as not to have to put a name to it. But pretending, in the long run, is exhausting. Don't pretend that everything is the same: it isn't, and that's okay. You deserve much more. What does happen is that when you talk about it, you start building something new instead of holding onto something that no longer exists.
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal for desire to decrease during menopause?
It is common and may have hormonal, physical, emotional, or relationship-related components. It does not necessarily mean there is a problem in the relationship.
Do you need to feel desire to start an intimate encounter?
Not necessarily. For some people, desire appears after touch; starting with pressure-free touch can help.
How can I explain what's happening to my partner without them taking it as rejection?
You can tell them how you are experiencing the physical and emotional changes, without assuming it is a loss of interest. Talking about it helps prevent misunderstandings.
Why do I compare my current sensations to how they used to be?
It is common, but that comparison can create more obstacles than help. Your body does not work worse during this stage: it may respond differently.
Can you rebuild the connection with your partner after this change?
It can be rebuilt little by little, by speaking clearly, lowering the pressure, and returning to touch without rushing.
Is the blockage physical or mental?
There may be physical, emotional, and relationship-related factors all at once. If there is pain, dryness, or a change that concerns you, consulting a professional can help identify what is happening.
Should your partner actively participate in this process?
If there is a partner, sharing what you are experiencing can help reduce the distance and help you find other forms of intimacy together.
Rebuilding that connection also involves touch: a sensual oil for the body can be a starting point for resuming touch without pressure, even before thinking about anything else.
