Perimenopause is the transitional stage leading up to menopause: it usually starts from age 40, although it can come earlier due to genetic or medical factors, and lasts for several years, until you have gone twelve consecutive months without a period. If you don't know you're in it, it's easy to attribute the changes to stress or tiredness, blame yourself for having less desire, or put up with discomfort that has a solution. At La Maleta Roja, it is one of the topics we are asked for most in our talks, and more and more women want their partners to participate too.
Almost all of us know that menopause arrives around age 50: we talk about it with friends or with the gynecologist. But perimenopause is hardly talked about, even though it is the phase in which most of the changes begin. And since we still have more or less regular periods and a busy life, we often don't even associate it with hormones.
Why hormonal changes affect more than they seem
During perimenopause, estrogen levels do not drop in an orderly fashion: they fluctuate. There are months when they are high and months when they drop significantly, and towards the end of the stage, the decline becomes more constant. These ups and downs explain why one month you feel fine and the next you don't recognize yourself.
Estrogen also keeps the vaginal mucosa hydrated and elastic and promotes blood flow to the area. When it drops, natural lubrication decreases and arousal takes longer. In some cases, vaginal atrophy appears: the tissue becomes thinner and less elastic. It is not a lack of interest: it is physiology.
How to recognize perimenopause
At first, the changes are small and are confused with everyday life. These are the most common signs:
- More irregular or heavier periods.
- Night sweats or occasional hot flashes.
- Poorer sleep and more tiredness.
- Forgetfulness or memory lapses.
- Mood swings, anxiety, or irritability.
- Less desire or more difficulty getting aroused.
- Intimate dryness or discomfort during intercourse.
If several of these signs appear at the same time and affect your well-being or your sex life, it is worth talking to your gynecologist.
Practical tips
- Use a quality lubricant for every sexual encounter and, if dryness is daily, a vaginal moisturizer for regular use.
- If there is significant discomfort, ask your gynecologist about local estrogens in cream or vaginal tablets.
- Give yourself more time to get aroused: massages, kisses, unhurried play, and without the obligation for everything to end "in the same way".
- Break the routine with new positions, fantasies, or a soft intimate accessory designed for sensitive skin.
- Take care of your energy and talk to your partner: moving, sleeping well, and talking about what you like now feed desire more than it seems.
If you are not sure which one you need, we explain it to you in our guide on the difference between vaginal moisturizer and lubricant.
Among us
Our talks are attended by women mostly between 35 and 60 years old, and perimenopause always ends up coming up. They tell it themselves: that their hair doesn't shine like it used to, that it's hard to rest, that their skin is changing... a thousand topics, and also sexual ones. These are the years when the body starts to change while you are still in the middle of life: children who need care, a full-time job, family members to look after, and, very often, a neglected partner life.
More than ever, these talks confirm that what you are going through is universal, that everything is temporary, and that there are many things you can do. Don't put pressure on yourself to go back to being like before: this stage is not the end of your sexuality, it is a different pace, slower, more conscious, and deeper.
Frequently asked questions
At what age does perimenopause start?
Normally from age 40, although it can come earlier due to genetic or medical factors.
How long does perimenopause last?
Several years; on average, between four and eight. It ends when you have gone twelve consecutive months without a period.
What are the first symptoms of perimenopause?
Irregular periods, poorer sleep, mood swings, and often less desire or more intimate dryness.
Can I have vaginal atrophy during perimenopause?
Yes. It is more common after menopause, but the drop in estrogen can start affecting the tissue earlier.
Is it normal to have less sexual desire during perimenopause?
It is very common. Hormones, tiredness, and stress play a role, and it can almost always be improved.
Can I get pregnant during perimenopause?
Yes. As long as you have periods, even if they are irregular, you can ovulate, so you need contraception until menopause.
What helps with vaginal dryness during perimenopause?
A lubricant for intercourse and a vaginal moisturizer for regular use. If that is not enough, consult your gynecologist about alternatives.
